Aftercare
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Hi there. How are you feeling? I think that existing and forming an identity can be a pretty scary thing. Maybe your fears are different than mine, maybe they are more justified; it's not my place to say what road is right for you. Regardless, I am grateful that you read this, and I hope that it brought something of value to you.
Recently, I was with my parents and my little brother. My parents asked me if I had any advice for my little brother, as he was about to start high school. I thought about how afraid I was during that time and said something like, "It's okay to just do things and try things. It's okay to make mistakes and change your mind." A simple sentiment, but it can be really hard to internalize.
I'm feeling a little vulnerable. I'm thinking of the complexities of presenting experiences, of implying connections. When you offer something up, you give people the opportunity not to care. You give people the opportunity to care too much. Maybe someone will disagree, maybe they'll sigh to themselves about how misguided you are. Maybe they'll wish you were someone a little different, that you were further along somehow. Maybe they'll share something in common with you, and that will make them feel embarrassed by you.
However, if I'm honest, people are really quite good to me overall. As a child, I experienced a good deal of anger and misinterpretation of my intentions, but since then I've hardly experienced any sort of cruelty. Despite having certain marginalized identities—which do affect me deeply—I have a lot of support and safety afforded to me.
I am so thankful for the many teachers I've had throughout the years. Artists, friends, family, professors... I am made of pieces of all of you. My trans siblings are a constant joy and inspiration. How marvelous you all are! How quiet and how raucous, how soft and how strong! You deserve every good thing.